Monthly Archives: December 2013

Desolate.

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My tattered life, those words so cold.
I sit alone…among the embers of what used to be.
Images burning in my mind.
Like snapshots of my life.
Smiles and laughter.
Those precious moments.
But still she laughs.
Not behind my back.
Oh no.
She laughs in my face.
Every day.
She laughs so hard.
A rapturous, manic sound.
And deep within I hear her cry out.
Deep down under the facade and laughter.
Far below the painted surface of her fixed smile.
Is a heart that wishes things had be otherwise.
Wishing things had not ended so.
You see…she laughs a lie.
She hides her love behind her laugh.
Tears roll down her face now.
Not the funny weep of laughing.
No, the big rolling tears of sadness.
She has laughed so long now.
Laughed until she is hoarse.
Until the air turns dry in her throat and it burns.
But still she laughs.
Still she breaks my heart.
Because she knows no other way.
It’s just not meant to be.
Why?
Because it simply is.
What else can I do?
If I thought it would help, I’d beg.
My teeth would grind and my nails would dig in to my palms until I bled.
The blood that pumps from my hear for her to see.
And I’d gladly bleed for her.
So it makes her smile once more.
If the smile was for me.
That sweet girl with those beautiful eyes.
So full of kindness and love.
But…she’s gone.
Its the only way.
The only way she knows.
And now my tattered life slowly builds again.
Her laugh may hurt but my walls stand strong.
They have to.
To help my tattered heart.
It heals slowly.
Because the wounds are deep and the laughter cuts like steel.
But my tattered heart will mend.
One day I will stand tall.

Copyright Mr Darwin Blake 2013